Can y’all give me some advice on what i can do to make myself feel better about myself? I’ve just been so insecure and its really annoying and i’m really unhappy with myself as of right now because i’m just so out of shape and i’m lazy and i cant do anything or say anything right and yeah i really really need a confidence boost or at least something to do so i wont keep picking at my imperfections.
I miss constantly being reminded that I’m loved by you and being complimented by you. Sometimes I see guys showing off their girlfriends and doing cute things for them and I’m jealous because I miss that sooooo much! ughhh I just can’t wait for all of this to be over!!!!!!!!! I need to get my damn license already and keep myself busy so that I’m not always over thinking every little thing that happens in my boring life!!!!!! OH AND ALSO I DIDNT EVEN GET A 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION BC HE DIDNT HAVE THE TIME AND I UNDERSTAND BUT IT STILL MAKES ME REALLY REALLY SAD. K, bye.
I used to think that i was never going to get my heart broken. I used to think that i was never going to break because when my first relationship ended i wasn’t hurting. I hated myself for not hurting because that meant i was never really in love. I felt numb for so long and i built up a front. I used to think i was heartless because i literally felt nothing. I used to wonder why it was so hard for girls to walk away from a guy who was no good for them or why they fought for them and tried so hard to keep them around. It just made no sense to me and it seemed to easy in my head to walk away. And then i met Shawn. He is no doubt the first boy ever to REALLY break my heart. I have never, in my entire life felt as much pain as i did when we were on a break. I am dead serious when i say that no other human being has ever made me feel so much physical and emotional pain. I had always said I was never going to let anyone close enough to break my heart. Not Shawn, not anybody! But that was only because i didnt think i was capable of feeling so much. The weekend before we had made it official that we were on a break i was literally just sobbing, i had never ever felt so low in my life! Its so hard to explain what i felt without sounding cheesy as fuck. I just felt like half of me was pretty much dying. I felt like i was falling apart and the only way to keep myself together was for someone to hold me. I couldnt believe that someone who i thought i had a perfect relationship with was having second thoughts about being with me. The thing that i hated most about being on a break with him was that girls were telling me the same thing that i used to say to them. It just felt so unreal to be on the other side and i felt pretty pathetic. Even now that were okay it still hurts looking back at it. But in a way I guess im sort of glad that all of this happened because i’ve finally experienced my first real heartbreak and it fucking sucks balls and i never want to go through it again. Im not making this post to make Shawn look like an ass, i still think he’s perfect and even when this was happening i still thought he was perfect. All that matters is that he is here NOW. Maybe he wont be with me forever but he is with me for now and that makes me happy.
Things feel different but still the same idgi but I like it. I like this feeling, it’s a good kind of different! I’m happy that were back on good terms and everything just feels so right like I just really like it I can’t stop saying it! hahahaha I feel like I was so sad and depressed and down for so long it felt like eternity but it was only a few weeks……lol and I’m just happy that I started feeling better about myself and about the situation before things went back to normal between us and now im even happier because like I said were back to normal, if anything were better than normal and I love it!
I think things might start looking up for me but idk and I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet but aside from that I’m happy and yes I miss you and the way things used to be but I’m happy with myself and if you came back to me I’d be happier lol I’m starting to love myself as much as i did when I first met you and I love it because I feel great and I feel like Karen! if you’re not going to love me at least I’ll love myself and that’s enough for me and I’m just feeling good I feel like I’m starting all over again and I really like that
I’m so jealous of every person who has never lost the person they are in love with. Everything is so weird and awkward now and I’m trying to keep it together but it’s so damn hard. I just care so much and I’m more attached to him than I’ve ever been to anyone! It sucks. I don’t want to care so much for someone who doesn’t care half as much for me. I don’t want to be in love with someone who clearly doesn’t feel the same way towards me. I don’t want to see him walk out of my life and be left knowing that there was nothing I could do to change his mind. I want him to just come back to me. I want things to be like before again. I want to KNOW that his feelings for me are still there and that I’m just thinking too much. I just feel sick to my stomach because I’ve never in my life felt this way over someone before and I never thought that he’d come so close to leaving me.
WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME THIS IS SO STUPID WHY CANT I JUST BE GOOD ENOUGH WHY CANT YOU JUST LOVE ME BACK I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE OTHER DAY AND HOW I MADE A COMPLETE FOOL OUT OF MYSELF AND YOU DIDNT EVEN FIGHT FOR ME I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT I HAVE TO DO FOR YOU TO WANT ME I CANT WAIT FOR ALL OF THIS TO BE OVER CAUSE IM GOING CRAZY I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO FINALLY REALIZE HOW STUPID THIS IS AND COME RUNNING BACK TO ME I JUST WISH YOUD CALL ME AND TELL ME YOU STILL LOVE ME LIKE YOU DID BEFORE BECAUSE I FUCKING MISS YOU AND MY HEART HURTS
I wanted to go out tonight and for the first time ever my parents allowed me to! my mom even offered to pick me up and im not going anywhere :(((((((